FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
CONTACT: PETER BYLSMA
PHONE: 310-795-8532
December 6, 2005
LOS ANGELES, CA – Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick announced today that in the face of rising costs for product liability insurance, reindeer compound inspections, fighting allegations of discrimination for his naughty and nice list, and other legal expenses, he is turning to the same legal system he blames for his woes to raise additional capital.
Vowing to sue “negligent homeowners,” Santa told a small group of very cold reporters that he was tired of being a target of lawsuits and it was time the system worked for him.
“If you can’t beat em’, join em’,” Santa sneered, his trademark eye twinkle noticeably absent.
Legal analysts are warning consumers that little things like frost on a rooftop or unextinguished embers in the chimney could lead to big lawsuits. For example, experts say if Santa slips on your roof, based on the realities of today’s legal system – so called “Santa Suits” could be filed over any or all of the following:
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Negligence for failing to warn that frost on your roof could be slippery, or worse, “egregious failure” to defrost your roof.
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Emotional distress suffered by children and their parents around the world if Santa is injured and can’t finish Christmas.
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Lawsuits from animal rights groups over reckless endangerment of reindeer that would be unable to find their way home alone.
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Discrimination for not providing proper sleigh parking.
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Damage suits by hundreds of elves for loss of income.
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Mrs. Claus’ claim of lost care, comfort, consortium and society of her husband as a result of his injuries.
In each case, Santa claims he would serve as lead plaintiff on behalf of the aggrieved.
For legal protection, Los Angeles Citizens Against Lawsuit Abuse (CALA) suggests leaving Kris Kringle a “Rooftop Liability and Indemnification Agreement,” which should be duct-taped across the top of the chimney. By signing it or removing it, Santa would agree not to hold you liable for any injuries received.
At that point, of course, Santa can decide whether or not he still wants to deliver gifts. Any homes skipped will receive their gifts, postage due, by three-day parcel post.
Citizens Against Lawsuit Abuse is a nonprofit, grassroots public education organization with supporters throughout the Southern California region. More information is available at www.losangelescala.org.
